8-14 May is \u2018Dying Matters Awareness Week.\u2019 Started by the UK Hospice movement, this is a week set aside to encourage friends, families, and communities to begin healthy conversation around the topic of death and dying. This follows from the fact that in many cultures, including our own, death continues to be a difficult and uncomfortable topic.<\/p>\n
There are several events on to mark the week, including:<\/strong><\/p>\n You can also watch Medway chaplain Lynne’s excellent video on talking about death, dying and grief<\/a> on YouTube at any time.<\/p>\n When someone we care about is grieving, it can be difficult to know what to say or do. We are afraid about intruding, saying the wrong thing, or making them feel worse at such a difficult time. While these worries are perfectly understandable, it\u2019s important to not let them stop you from reaching out. Now, more than ever, your loved one needs your support. You don\u2019t need to have answers or give advice. The most important thing you can do for a grieving person is to simply be there.<\/p>\n While you should never try to force someone to open up, it\u2019s important to let your grieving loved one that you\u2019re there to listen if they want to talk about their loss.<\/p>\n When it seems appropriate (for instance, if they mention the person who has died), ask sensitive questions that invite them to openly express their feelings. By simply asking, \u201cDo you feel like talking?\u201d you\u2019re letting your loved one know that you\u2019re available to listen.<\/p>\n Let the grieving person know that it\u2019s OK to cry in front of you, to get angry, or to break down. Don\u2019t try to reason with them over how they should or shouldn\u2019t feel.<\/p>\n People who are grieving may also need to tell a the story of the situation over and over again, sometimes in minute detail. Be patient. Repeating is a way of processing and accepting the death.<\/p>\n Oftentimes, well-meaning people avoid talking about the death or steer away from the subject when the deceased person is mentioned. But for many, this avoidance makes things all the more difficult.<\/p>\n The bereaved need to feel that their loss is acknowledged, it\u2019s not too terrible to talk about, and their loved one won\u2019t be forgotten. Talk candidly about the person who has died and consider sharing a loving memory.<\/p>\n \u201cI know how you feel.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Saying you know how someone feels can be unhelpful. Losing someone is different for everyone, and so saying this can make it seem like you\u2019re not really listening.<\/p>\n \u201cTime is a great healer.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Talking about time is a tricky area too. It\u2019s easy to fall back on such phrases while forgetting that grief has a mind of its own and works at its own pace.<\/p>\n \u201cYou are so strong.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Don\u2019t make assumptions based on outward appearances. The bereaved person may look fine on the outside, while inside they\u2019re suffering. Such statements may put pressure on them to keep up appearances and to hide their true feelings.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s part of God\u2019s plan.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n If you have a faith, try to remember that it might not help offers, even if it is very important to you.<\/p>\n It is difficult for many grieving people to ask for help. They may feel guilty about receiving so much attention, fear being a burden to others, or simply be too depressed to reach out.<\/p>\n They may not have the energy or motivation to call you when they need something, so instead of saying, \u201cLert me know if there\u2019s anything I can do,\u201d make it easier for them by making specific requests. For instance, \u201cFor instance, I\u2019m going shopping this afternoon, is there anything I can get for you?\u201d<\/p>\n Your loved one will continue grieving long after the funeral is over, and the cards and flowers have stopped. The length of the grieving process varies from person to person, but often lasts much longer than people expect.<\/p>\n Continue your support over the long haul, periodically checking in, dropping by, or sending cards or letters. Try and offer extra support on special occasions \u2013 birthdays, holidays, anniversaries etc. \u2013 and remind your loved one that you\u2019re there for them.<\/p>\n If you, or another student at Kent is trying to cope with bereavement, it may be helpful (when ready) to work through the\u00a0Togetherall Coping With Grief and Loss online course<\/a>, or seek one to one\u00a0counselling via Student Support and Wellbeing<\/a>. For in the moment support that can\u2019t wait for an appointment with the Student Support and Wellbeing team at Kent, you can call or text our\u00a0partner organisation Spectrum Life<\/a>.<\/p>\n For external support for anyone, the charity\u00a0Cruse<\/a>\u00a0provides bereavement support via telephone, chat and resources.<\/p>\n Written by Ellie, Student Services, 09.05.23<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\n
How to talk to someone who is grieving <\/strong><\/h2>\n
Let them know that you\u2019re there to listen<\/h3>\n
Accept your loved one\u2019s feelings<\/h3>\n
Acknowledge the situation<\/h3>\n
Things to avoid saying to someone who is grieving:<\/h3>\n
Offer practical support.<\/h3>\n
Try to keep checking in as time passes by.<\/h3>\n
Get support<\/strong><\/h2>\n